Don’t wish for a better year. Do this instead.

Many of us couldn’t wait for 2020 to be over. Now 2021 is here and we have new hope. We wish for things to get easier now, hope that life is going to turn out more ‘normal’ this year and that more things will go our way. We wish for less restrictions, more freedom. We hope to be able to make plans and actually keep them. We hope we’ll be reunited with our loved ones far away.

But, brace yourself: it may be false hope.

If you think 2020 was a flop, wishing for a better year ahead will only set you up for further disappointment and powerlessness. I’m not being pessimistic here. Hear me out:

The truth is, ‘things’ may not get better in 2021 just because of a new digit in the calendar (this is called magical thinking). They may even get worse in some ways.

what we need is a better strategy for dealing with whatever life throws our way and making the best of it.

Instead of wishful thinking, what we need is a better strategy for dealing with whatever life throws our way and making the best of it. A strategy to create inner freedom regardless of the outer circumstances that are there at any given time.

Wishing is not a strategy.

When we put our hopes on external circumstances that we have little or no control over, we give our power away. Our happiness and how ‘good’ our year turns out is dependent on things outside of ourselves. That’s called external locus of control and it’s one of the building blocks (or rather the main foundation of) anxiety!

External locus of control keeps us a victim. — Not at all sexy, I know…

It’s become evident that life is utterly unpredictable. There is lots of ambiguity in all areas of life: relationships, future, and basically everything. Can you guess another building block of anxiety? It’s low tolerance of ambiguity and it usually pairs up with high need for control. People who have a high need for control and need things to be ‘just so’ have really struggled this past year! They feel hard done by with all the change and unpredictability — as if it shouldn’t be there. But who says it shouldn’t?

When we take life is as it comes with a ‘it is what it is’ attitude, we stop complaining, catastrophizing and tantruming at reality.

I’ve been a bit shy to share this, but I actually rather enjoyed 2020! I too have been affected, like everyone else: we didn’t get to see our families in Finland and New Zealand. Our holidays got canceled. Major events I’d been working on were canceled. We missed a funeral of a close family member. We still have loved ones majorly unwell in places we can’t visit — just like everybody else. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the easiest year, but it definitely wasn’t the worst either. Why?

Because I’d been lucky enough to learn these four lessons...

They will change your experience, regardless of the shit that goes down in the world!

1: A lot of stuff in life and the world is simply outside of your control.

When you stop trying to control that which you can’t (external circumstances, other people etc), you can use your energy on taking charge of that which is in your control or that you can influence, such as your own responses, actions etc.

2: Life is full of ambiguity. The more comfortable you get with not knowing, the more you can relax. When we‘re uncomfortable with ambiguity we tend to fill the gaps with imagination. Imagination is a wild thing. It can take you to places far, far worse than reality itself!

A good way to get comfortable with ambiguity is learning to do realistic risk assessment (possible vs. probable).

3: Change is inevitable. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Be flexible and adapt to the seasons and cycles of life. This will make you resilient! When you bend, you won’t snap under pressure.

4: Don’t take things for granted. Not even the things you are used to taking for granted! When you actively appreciate all the good things in your life, you shift your attention from that which isn’t the way you’d like it to things that are. (Like, how lucky have we been to be able to video call during the pandemic?? At the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, I remember a time when seeing someone while on the phone to them sounded like science fiction!)

Appreciation is a practice: build the muscle and watch your life transform!

These lessons will help you move from external to internal locus of control. In other words, they will help you take back your personal power. You’re no longer at the mercy of factors outside of yourself. You’re able to create inner freedom and exercise choice no matter what is going on outside or around you.

Now go ahead and make it a cracking New Year!